#2 of “15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy”

As I wrote yesterday, a while back someone, somewhere posted a link to the blog post 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. And while I continue to work on the first, I’m going to add the second item today.

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

A toughie. If I give up controlling everything, the world will stop spinning, won’t it? I know I like to feel like I’m in control — I hate to take taxis because by riding in them I’m giving up control.

The *idea* of simply letting things be sounds wonderfully peaceful to me. In reality, I struggle with the balance of control vs. letting things be, especially when it comes to the kids. I don’t want to control every bite they eat, but I want them to eat well. I don’t want to spend all my time telling Camille to get her homeschooling done, but I don’t think she’s doing a very good job of balancing her time and making sure to devote enough to really concentrating on her studies. What is being controling, and what is being a good parent?

In general, I like to think that I plan, but I’m willing to “go with the flow” and deviate from our plan as necessary. Without a plan, we end up not doing anything or end up hungry and cranky or in some other state that makes us unhappy. However, if we try to strictly stick to the plan, we also end up miserable. I can’t control the weather. I can’t control the girls. I can’t control their reaction to the weather. I can control my reaction to their reaction. I can work with them to modify our plans in a way that makes us happier.

Update: Soon after I wrote this, I headed out for the evening for a class. When I got back home at 9:30, everyone was up, Chloe’s lunch hadn’t been unpacked and there were dishes in the sink. After I got everyone to get the chores done and Chloe to bed, I reflected on what had happened. Is this where I should let go of control? For the most part, no. Chloe has a bedtime for a reason. If she stays up too late, then both getting her to bed and getting her up in the morning is terrible. And it affects us all. In order for things to keep an even keel, we have to make sure certain things happen. In order for the morning to go smoothly, the kitchen has to be clean and the lunch box ready to be packed. These are less about control and more about keeping things flowing smoothly.