As I face my plethora of ridiculous anxieties, I put myself in the place of my friends who are faced with issues that overshadow mine by leaps and bounds. I can DO that. I can this simpler thing.
I *hate* any medical appointment, Yet today, after a year and a half, I managed to get myself back to an eye doctor whom I actually like. What I don’t like? I always have high inter-ocular pressure (always had it, hereditary) and I can’t see squat in a visual field test (but I have my girlie Camille, so who cares… I do still have a panic attack about failing a test, even one I know I can’t study more in order to pass.). I have taken more of those stupid visual field tests and failed than anyone i’ve ever known…. “Just press when you see the vibration!” .. ARGH, I Just Don’t See It. I can SEE. But not that way. Imagine a film’s ISO. My right eye sees at ISO 3200 … I get the BIG picture, but not the details. After my ‘event’, my camera eye has switched from right to left … My left eye sees so much better than my right. I cannot use binoculars or microscopes without closing my right eye!
I can see. I have a driver’s license … after my *event* I was told I may never drive again. 500,000 miles later, you’ll never be safer than with me (or my super star mom) as a driver. I can drive in cities, on long stretches of highway. while suffering from the flu and around roundabouts in lefthand driving countries like Ireland and Scotland. I’m the most forward looking, defensive driver that you’ll ever meet. Just don’t ask me to parallel park.
But with every trip to the eye doctor, I fear that I will be told that I can’t drive … despite knowing that I’m a more attentive driver than so many people out there.
And, so, I have a little panic attack every time I approach an eye doctor… being told “You may never drive again.” is oh so scary. And if I avoid the eye doctor, maybe I can avoid hearing it ever again. On the other hand, when I gave in and saw the optometrist and got glasses last year, I COULD SEEE! ‘
Oh my word! I could have written this exact post! I had to see my optometrist this last weekend and I fail that freaking test EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. What is it about that dang test that sends me into a hyperventilating panic? I swear, just the idea of trying to keep one eye open, and “relax” while waves of darkness seem to arrive just when I think I might see the “little wavy parts”. ARRRRRRGH! It’s gotten to the place where the staff know I’m going to fail it. I even got moved to a bigger machine to do a more in-depth test and they decided I could actually see. Doesn’t stop them from making me take the dumb test every year anyway!
Congrats on the glasses, they’re nice! 🙂
Thanks for the support!! Alas, the glasses in this photo are my old ones with far too wide earpieces…. I’ve ordered new one that are thinner in order to be less distracting, but they won’t be here for a couple weeks.