My thoughts after reading Why Are American Kids So Spoiled? from the New Yorker:
I harbor few illusions. My kids are spoiled. By some miscommunication, Chloe opened her “family” birthday gifts in front of her friends and a couple of the moms. While we are by no means “well-off” compared to the families of her friends, it was still a bit embarrassing. An iPhone? For a ten year old? (Rob got a new phone recently and passed on his old phone to Chloe for use as an iPod — cheaper than buying her an iPod touch.)
On the other had, my girls are expected to carry their own weight around here. They cook. They clean. They wash the dishes. They empty the kitty litter, take out the trash and recycling and run errands. They do the laundry. They are responsible for themselves as well as for their contributions to the family. Camille walks herself to her homeschool classes. If there are library books due, the girls need to make sure the books are returned or pay the fines. While I do drive them around occasionally, I expect them to get themselves around as much as possible. Last week I had a volunteer obligation that made it impossible for me to cart Chloe to and from gymnastics; instead, Camille had to step up and accompany her to and from class.
We’re a family… we help each other do what we need to do. At times, other parents have made me feel like I’m a meanie of a mom who expects far too much from her kids, but I know that they need to be and CAN BE responsible for themselves. I’m here to guide them, but I don’t need to turn my life over to coddling them.
So while Chloe (now 10) does have an iPod, she has to pay for any purchases she may want to make. She has to manage her own finances. She would like to start a dog walking business.
And I’ll do my best to keep ensuring that my kids are equipped with the ability to make their own ways in this world. They’ll know how to shop. They’ll know how to cook. They’ll know how to balance their budgets. They’ll know how to make goals, plan and get to where they want to go. I’ll be there cheering them on. But it certainly isn’t my job to pave the way for them.
G – I think you have a good balance. In today’s world, it’s hard for kids not to be spoiled, at least in the material sense. There is simply so much STUFF to have. And things are so much easier thanks to modern conveniences / technology. But at least we can expect our kids to give of themselves in return – contribute to the family, be responsible for themselves, etc.
When we moved, the girls had to give up lots of their extraneous belongings. We just no longer have room for stuff in our small home. For me it was incredibly freeing to get rid of stuff. I think the kids also learned from our downsizing … we just don’t need all the stuff. But I still love my techie stuff … and so do they 🙂
I’m right in there w/you. I do make them work, they get money, they can buy things. It’s not like they’re little beasts of burden or anything but, like you said, they need to be a part of it so they can function later on. I always tell the boys the can’t take a crash course the day before they move out on their own. No Boomerang Kids for me thanks.