on pretending to be a grownup

As I headed up to Blue Ridge yesterday to stay in and deal with a house that currently does not have running water, I started wondering if I would ever grow up. Stop pretending to be an adult and actually become one.

As I considered the situations in which I feel that I’m “pretending” to be a grown up and those that I don’t, I had a “eureka moment”. I’m not pretending to be an adult during the times I “pull on my big girl pants”. I’m simply forcing myself to do things that I don’t want to do or that produce large amounts of anxiety for me. In other words, I *am* being an adult, managing adult responsibilities. Just because I don’t want to do them, does not make me a fraud!

I will probably NEVER enjoy dealing with plumbers, insurance companies and school administrators. But, as an adult, I do take my responsibilities seriously and carry on.

Unfortunately, I don’t always tackle these situations with grace. I grumble. I stomp my feet. I stew. I had considered “grace” as my word for this year, but know that I’m not ready to tackle that yet. I will, but it is going to take quite a lot of work on my part. I don’t want to wait until I feel that I’m no longer on my treadmill (will that time ever come?), but I do want to have had a chance to work through a year’s worth of my Happiness Project before I take on the challenges of “grace”.

In the meantime, I’m trying to find the positives in this trip to the cabin without functioning toilets and sinks.

sunrise – 15 jan 2014