always out of step

it’s been true for my whole life. i always, always feel out of step with the rest of the world. i don’t get it, whatever it is. i don’t have it, whatever it is.

you think i’d have figured out how to deal with this sense of not fitting in by now and not let it get to me. how wonderful it would be if i could embrace this feeling of not quite getting it right or figure out how to take advantage of it. in the past, i’ve tried to figure out how to get into step. that hasn’t worked. other times I’ve tried to go the other way and just insist that I’m completely different and don’t care. that hasn’t felt right either.

in trying to improve my relationships, my health and my satisfaction with life, i now realize that i have to figure this out so that i don’t keep ending up hating myself and then comforting myself with food and drinks that are detrimental to my goal of losing weight and getting more active. i don’t have an answer for myself, but i think that just being conscious of my obstacles, i am moving in the right direction.