always behind. never ahead.

For years now, I’ve always felt behind on my to do list. Occasionally I manage to wrestle it down to size for a few days or weeks, but it always seems to get the better of me again, even when I give up various projects.

The constant struggle is exhausting, overwhelming much of the time. The times I do escape the burden of “what must get done” are amazing, freeing. This freedom from the to-do list is one reason that travel is so essential to me. I can put everything on hold. Not move forward. Just be.

Of course, I don’t like the idea of NEVER moving forward. I enjoy my new adventures and the finished products of some of my projects. I do wish some of the drudgery would disappear. Cleaning, shopping, paperwork. It never ends.

I have these images of time to cook interesting meals. Do lovely craft projects. Explore museums and other local places, many that we’ve never been to before. How will I find the time and energy to do these things along with work, home-making, school-managing, dog-caring, etc? I’ve done all that and more in the past. Surely I can get back to that point with some effort.

This weekend has been a quiet one for me and Camille while Rob and Chloe have been off camping. I’ve made a big dent in my backlog. Enough to make next week easier? Probably not. Enough to make me not be anxious about how exhausting the week will be? Maybe. Happy to have watched two seasons of Torchwood while whittling away at my list? Perhaps.

9/11 wall – 29 apr 2013